A lesson began to unfold, a truth, again and again.

In 2004, I lost my world.

By the end of 2005, I’d met the charming, handsome, “I’m everything you need” narcissist.

By 2007, I was isolated and trapped, abandoned by the world around me. Unfathomable loss and the beginnings of rebirth, the darkness slithered back in.

That abusive relationship lasted two years.
The next, one year.
The third, six months.
The common denominator? Me.

Looking back, I was raised to be prey. After such devastating loss, I was a primed and easy target. I moved through the world the way I was taught to, compassionate, patient, tolerant, and always looking to be in service of those around me.

And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with those qualities, I hadn’t been taught about the darkness.

My eyes were still closed.
I saw the world as I was, not as it was.

It was time to step into courage, to begin looking consciously, curiously, and intentionally.

It was time to deconstruct my innocence.

I began to study the frameworks of abuse, of harm, of evil, of darkness, consciousness sleeping and consciousness atrophied. And what I discovered was this: whether in the spirit world or the material world, the absence of consciousness operates the same.

The evil inclination is real. And we’re each charged with the responsibility: to witness it, to disrupt its patterns, and to liberate the sparks of light it holds captive, patiently waiting to return home.

My spiritual awakening had already begun in 2004.

But what unfolded over the next twenty years became my life’s passion.

The words I share with you here are my heart and my soul.

They’re sleepless nights, spent tears, stubborn solitude, and a relentless hunger for truth that can’t be faked, freedom that can’t be bought, and a God who doesn’t flinch in the presence of darkness.

This is what the world doesn’t want you to know, because there’s too much to gain from you staying asleep to the power you hold.

Be brave: witness The False Light & revere The Holy Darkness.

It’s like bearing witness to the ocean, or space, or potential in all its vastness. The experience can feel crushing when you see it as greater than you. The experience is otherworldly, it’s peaceful, when you understand that vastness, that ocean of potential, is you.

And while this moment will pass, you won’t. You’re eternal.

You’re the fire that breathes life into worlds.

And that trembling you feel? That isn’t you, it’s the darkness.

Because you dear one, the light, have just awakened.